nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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