What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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