he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize