today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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