when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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