I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
