He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
