and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
