he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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