I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
