areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
