why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
