Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
