if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
