i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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