Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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