Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
