Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
