I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
