btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
