So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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