he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
