What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
