So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
