he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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