that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
