Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
