So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
