Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
