i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
