i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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