You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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