Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you had me at cake vodka
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
