I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
