After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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