im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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