Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
