I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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