I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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