Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
