the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
