So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
