Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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