no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
