I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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