marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
