So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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