i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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