why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I understand Curling. That high.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
