Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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