I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
