that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
