Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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