We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just had sex on a roof
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
